It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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