Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize