I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
