Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
