So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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