I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
