as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
