it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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