Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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