it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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