Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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