I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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