there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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