I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
