Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
