Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The uberlube is also flammable
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
