I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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