she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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