he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
