I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize