90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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