Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
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We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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