Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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