I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
