im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
