"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
