You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
