It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
