Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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