he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
