my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"