i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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