i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
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Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This can only be settled by a dance off.