She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
