Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies