I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im holly from the hills drunk
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?