at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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