i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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