After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize