420 ftw
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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