Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
