Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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