hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
