The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
