I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
