when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
