all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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