i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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