i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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