Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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