I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
BRING THE BAGELS
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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