Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
