he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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