I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
