Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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