she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
