I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
