it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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