Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
