You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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