i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
