omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
two words: eviction party
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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