They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
