i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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