nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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