Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
