I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
