We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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