if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
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